That I would be good

I would be good...
....
even if I got the thumbs down ...
if I was not all knowing ...
even when I numb myself ...
even when I am overwhelmed ...
even when I was fuming ...
even if I was clingy ...
even if I lost sanity... I would be good
-Alanis

I have been told by many that I'm a bitch. No surprise there because I am. I don't pretend to be nice nor to be a good person. I don't sugar coat most of the things I say to make a person feel better nor do I callously say insulting things just to criticize. I say the truth.. or at least my version of what the truth is. I do things to please me mostly, and not others. I dress for my own satisfaction and not for the leering eyes of the norm.


With others, I talk about myself more frequently than they would because I never get to do it any other time. My silence is too deafening. If left in the confines of my head, it will probably explode.


Gossip kills friendship... so I talk about me instead.

Bitch: an overbearing woman. Something that is extremely difficult, objectionable or unpleasant.

Everyone was right.

We can't all please everyone. But I'd rather get the thumbs down from the get go. It's easier to be disliked. No one expects anything from you. They can only think of the worst which won't really affect you 'cus you expected them to think that way. It's so much better. It's difficult when people start off liking you for the wrong reasons. Its easier for the faults to be left unnoticed... Until it becomes unbearable.

I've always known there was somethin utterly wrong with me. But I chose not to see.

It's hard to swallow vomit. But its needed. How else would I know how it tastes?

Acceptance makes it easier though. It gets exhausting trying to fight it off.

But i'm still good... even knowing all this. I'm alright.

Maybe someday I could even look in the mirror long enough to see.