Friday, July 3, 2009

Status: SINGLE... so what?

We had a big family reunion last week in Ilocos and though I loved going there, I always find myself putting on my fake face.

Why? Because there are so much niceties and traditions that must be done even though I don't feel like it. Like saying "helleooow" to people I don't know. Playing nice to others I don't really care much about.

That's why I always bring my ipod and a book wherever I go. An excuse to escape. On this trip, I brought my dslr. A very good excuse to roam around the village without answering too many questions.

Questions such as; "Annabelle, do you have a boyfriend?"
"No tita."
"Why not? No one courting you"? (with a face which will make anyone feel like they're the ugliest human being alive. Either that or they give you a look where it seems like they're thinking 'there must be something wrong with her')

"Uh... ah... oh look! A flying bird! I have to catch it on flight! Bye tita!"

Avoiding questions like that seems inevitable cus it follows me everywhere I go. It's like there's definitely something wrong with you if you're not in a romantic relaitonship. I mean ... what is the big effing deal? If I'm not bothered, why are the rest bothered?

I had dinner with my family at a Chinese restaurant the other day and while I was drinking tea, my mom asked me the same question that everyone has been asking me. And when I said;

"No ma, I don't"
"Well, I wanna wear a beautiful gown for your wedding so could you hurry up and get yourself a boyfriend?"
"Well ma, I was planning on just grabbing a very good looking guy and just tricking him to have sex with me!"

My mom gave me the nastiest look then said..."Gaga"

I just smiled at her and said... "I don't have a boyfriend Ma, so don't expect me to get married any time soon."

Her face changed and gave me this look that was filled with so much pity. She touched my hair and she said; "You're very pretty".

A tear almost fell...

I looked at my tea cup just staring at the tea dregs. I was dumbfounded when i saw what it was shaped like. It reminded me of Harry trying to decipher his tea dregs and how Ms.Trelawney said that the grim symbolizes doom and death.
I wondered what mine represented. click! click! click!... I stirred it... I didn't want to be bothered with it anymore.

There are others who ask me about a very close friend of mine. "Why don't you just go for him? He's cute."

Urm.. uhh... because I don't want to. Just because I'm single, doesnt mean i'll go for the first guy who has a thing for me.

I understand that most of my friends and family just want me to be happy.

That's just the thing though... I am happy.

I'm perfectly fine.

And I don't need the incessant questioning to waver my happily thought of happiness.

It doesn't make things any better.

It just makes me think more of my jadedness... of my inability to feel romance and affection.

Apathy has helped me go through a lot. Why stop now?


  1. helleoooow!!! haha

    anyway, i understand. well, not really. it's more like... i see. :c i'm glad you're happy. i just hope you lose your jadedness one of these days. i'll have to suck it out of you pretty soon. haha remember time traveler's wife? it's supposedly 'balm for the jaded.' hope it works!

    word verification: slytbroq haha like us at andok's and mini stop a while ago!

  2. cb :: 林偉文 said...
    i just hope you lose your jadedness one of these days. i'll have to suck it out of you pretty soon.
    word verification: slytbroq haha like us at andok's and mini stop a while ago

    that was really something last night... hahaha
    anyways... suck the jadedness out of me huh? How will you do it? do tell!